“The future starts today, not tomorrow.”-John Paul II

Alright, I’m going to be 100% honest with all of you. I am terrified. Yes, that is right I just admitted to everyone who reads this that I am terrified. Sadly, it’s not even a good reason. As I have stated before I am in a transitional stage right now, I have two options; grad school or youth ministry for a year. If I get into the program I am definitely taking the opportunity and if I don’t then I am embarking on a new adventure known as youth ministry. Both of these options are things that I really want to do with my life.

For a very long time I have wanted nothing more than to be a youth minister and for a very long time the goal was to do both youth ministry and grad-school. However, seeing as Southern Miss is about an hour away from my house that option does not look like its going to happen. Youth ministry comes as a second nature to me. I love it, I love hanging out with younger kids and helping them to get just as pumped up about their faith as I am…. I spent the past four years of my life committing the remainder of my time to youth ministry after my studies.

The grad school program is everything that I dreamed it could be. It seems amazing and at the same time terrifying because I will literally be committing all of my time to this program for the next two years. As much as I want to do both of these things I really want to get into the program. Its been a week and a half and I still haven’t heard if I got in or not. At first, I thought it would be easy… “a week to two weeks, no big”, I thought. I thought wrong.

I’m terrified because for once in my life I can’t make plans. I have to sit and wait patiently to see what my future holds and it terrifies me. This is everything I have ever wanted from life and I’m just sitting her waiting. The anxiety is killing me and to be honest I kind of want to start somewhere new. Don’t get me wrong I love Mobile. I’ve lived there for the past 10 years of my life. But I’m ready for some new scenery. I’m ready to create new memories with new people. The thought of that not happening terrifies me.

I know there is an amazing plan for me and I just have to be patient and let it happen, but it’s really hard because I don’t know what plans to make because I don’t know which path I’m going to end up taking. So I’m scared. BTW they said a week to 2 weeks and it will be 2 weeks tomorrow. So you can see why I am getting a little anxious.

 

To those I leave behind

OK, I know just by the start of this title it sounds like I’m dying of some rare case of cancer or some European virus that I mysteriously caught and cannot cure. To all those concerned, I’m perfectly fine. My title is in reference to my recent graduation. Currently I am at a transition period of my life while most of my peers either no one hundred percent what they plan to do this coming fall or they have no idea at all. I’m smack dab in the middle, I am either staying home and becoming a youth minister and then going to grad-school or I am moving to Hattiesburg and enrolling in a Marriage and Family Therapy masters program. The reason I am not sure is because I’m waiting to here from them their final decision. I was basically given the youth minister job, so that is a definite. All this is beyond the point.

I decided to write a blog to address all those that I have grown to love and am leaving behind. I guess you can say this is my advice to you. First, I’m going to apologize for any cliche remarks, sometimes I just can’t help myself. So here it goes:

I’m sure you have heard it a million times, but I’m going to restate the facts. Enjoy your four years at college. DO NOT RUSH THEM. I promise the more you wish you could be a junior or a senior the faster it’s going to happen. Freshmen year went by in a flash, but senior year went by even faster. Cherish the memories and when Senior year comes cherish every second, because I promise you  it will slip right through your hands.

Give people a chance (I told you I was probably going to be cliche).There will be people that you come in contact that one year you will tell yourself you can’t stand someone and the next year you find that they are one of your closest friends. Some of my closest friends have turned out to be people that at first glance I told myself I could never be friends with that person.. well that was a lie because almost all of those people are my best friends now. Let them prove you wrong and if they don’t move on.

Try to go to almost every event available. Ok, I know that sounds a little extreme because there are tons of events that I didn’t go to during my years at SHC but if you think you might slightly enjoy it then go. My senior year I went to every event I had ever enjoyed at SHC and then I went to several others that I had never given a chance and I was extremely grateful that I had because I had an amazing time.

Make friends with the underclassmen. College is not like high school, the seniors do not have to ignore the underclassmen. Through out my four years I probably spent more time with the freshmen then anyone else. I know that sounds crazy but freshmen don’t have that attitude that they are too cool for stuff. Although, there really is some stuff that you should totally feel this way but in the end you will have so much fun.

Forgive. Don’t hold grudges. Just let go of the hurt. I have seen grudges turn people into bitter individuals. My problem is that I forgive to easily. Usually before a person has a chance to ask me for forgiveness I’ve forgiven them. Bitterness is not very pleasing and people usually don’t enjoy hearing bitter remarks and dealing with bitter people and therefore your less likely to have friends that will put up with it.

Cherish the small stuff. What exactly is the small stuff? You know that feeling go get when you make an A on a paper you were up all night writing because you procrastinated writing it. Or a walk in the park with close friend. Or the way you felt during a special moment in your life. This is the small stuff.

Grow to love your professors! Usually freshmen year you can’t help but to think that all the professors are out to get you, but there are some out there that you will realize really like you. Those are the ones that you should grow to love. Create a relationship with them that you will be proud of when you graduate. One of my professors by the end of my senior year I began to consider one of my friends.

Don’t mess with Wanita. You won’t be able to pull a fast one over her, trust me. My senior year I finally had the nerve to try and trick her by using someone elses card… well she caught me and was mad at me for a few months after. That lady doesn’t forget a face.

Love your RAs. Ok, I’m a tad bias in this department due to the fact that I was an RA. Honestly, try to get to know them. These people can end up being some of your best friends. Many of my close friends are either are RAs or residents that I once had. They are also awesome resources and if you ask them they will probably let you help them plan a program (they are just that awesome).

Try not to get caught in drama that isn’t yours. Going to Spring Hill “High” it can be easy to get caught up in drama that is not yours. People will easily invite you into their drama and it’s not worth it. Especially because 9/10 times you won’t have all the facts. Regardless, it’s none of your business so just stay out of it.

Go to church. I can’t tell you how many times I had a bad day and just went to the chapel to let it all go. Also, daily mass is a great addition to your day, it always makes things better.

GET SLEEP. If there was one thing I cherished more than anything else my four years it was sleep. I avoided all nighters and I was never forced to pull an all nighter. I managed to pull a few all nighters just for the heck of it, but they were usually on days I could afford to sleep in the next morning. Sleep is precious, enjoy it!

Take every invite you get. If someone invites you to something, go. Invites are not that easy to come by. When I say invite I refer to any kind of invitiation to go do something. People get busy and when they do do things its usually on a rare occasion.. TAKE IT!

Alright I could go on and on, so I’m going to sum this thing up. Enjoy your time so that when you are in my shoes you don’t look back and regret anything. I followed all of this and can honestly say that I don’t regret a thing. I believe that every friend that I made during my time was brought into my life for a reason and God knows why but they were. I wish nothing but the best for all of you and I know you are going to put a nice little dent into Spring Hill!

JC

 

 

Get it right

Get It Right
What have I done? I wish I could run.
Away from this ship going under
Just trying to help, hurt everyone else
Now I feel the weight of the world is
On my shoulders

What can you do when your good isn’t good enough?
When all that you touch tumbles down?
‘Cause my best intentions keep making a mess of things
I just want to fix it somehow
But how many times will it take?
Oh, how many times will it take for me?
To get it right
To get it ri-igh-ight

Can I start again with my faith shaken?
‘Cause I can’t go back and undo this
I just have to stay and face my mistakes
But if I get stronger and wiser
I’ll get through this

What can you do when your good isn’t good enough?
When all that you touch tumbles down?
‘Cause my best intentions keep making a mess of things
I just wanna fix it somehow
But how many times will it take?
Oh, how many times will it take for me?
To get it right

So I throw up my fist
Throw a punch in the air
And accept the truth, that sometimes life isn’t fair
Yeah, I’ll send down a wish
Yeah, I’ll send up a prayer
And finally, someone will see
How much I care

What can you do when your good isn’t good enough?
When all that you touch tumbles down?
Oh my best intentions keep making a mess of things
I just wanna fix it somehow
But how many times will it take?
Oh, how many times will it take?
To get it right
To get it ri-igh-ight.

So this pretty much is one of my favorite songs it pretty much sums up the way I feel when things don’t work out with guys I’ve been interested in. I probably can’t count the number of failed attempts on two hands. The number goes on and on. That’s why this song screams Jennifer.

“If you want to make God laugh, tell him your plans.”

Around this time approximately 4 years ago I was staring at my computer screen in utter disbelief. One, because I just saw my grades from my first semester of college and realized I had flunk all of my pre-med classes and two, my dream of becoming a doctor was slowly going down the drain. I also was scared because I was unsure what my grades meant… Would I be a semester behind and not graduate with my class? Would I be forced to drop out? What was going to happen to me?

Well, the only thing that did come true from that whole list of panics was I was not going to become a doctor. This is a huge deal because all of my life this was my one and only dream that ever stuck. It’s funny though because now I am perfectly happy where I ended up. I love every aspect of psychology and I love every aspect of becoming a therapist. I am thoroughly excited for my future.

It just goes to show that not a single thing that we plan is guaranteed to happen. Which is fine, because I want to be doing God’s will and not my own and if doing his will means my plans get ruined then that is fine with me. I can now say after looking back at my whole experience that my plan being ruined it one of the best things that has ever happened to me. I am thoroughly happy with my life and the route that it is taking.

My mom works at a hospital and after hearing some of the stories she has told me I don’t think I could have been a doctor. It just seems like so many sad things happen and people are constantly getting sick and dying. I’ve never been good with this concept (sickness and death). Usually when it occurs in my life I immediately go numb and pretend as if it doesn’t exist. This just goes to show that God knew me better then I knew myself. Praise God for that!

“Wait for the man who makes you want to be a better person, a man who inspires you because he is always striving to better himself.” -Matthew Kelly (The Rhythm of Life)

So I know I’m preaching this to the choir, but I hate how the good guys never get recognition. It’s always the guy who “hooked up with the hottest girl” or something to that extent…

How about the guy who told the severely self-conscious girl that she looked absolutely beautiful. Or the guy who wiped away the tears of a girl who’s crappy boyfriend just broke up with her for the third time. What about the guy that’s in love with a girl not because she is “hot” or “sexy” but because he believes her to be one of the most stunningly beautiful women inside and out. What about the guy who is sick and tired but listens to a friend in need regardless of his current physical state. What about the guy who volunteers his time to help others in need instead of focusing on his own needs. Or the guy who is passionately in love with God.

I could go on and on. These Men don’t get recognition. I mean think about it. When a girl does something good everyone hears about it because it is expected of her and people want to praise her for it. That’s why girls get the better rep, you hear about it more. But there are still these wonderful men that rarely if ever gets praised. This ERKS me!!! These are the type of men that we need to hold up on a pedestal. These are the men who women should be lining up to date.

Ladies, how many times have we complained about there not being enough good men out there but the second a good guy shows interest in us we turn him down… Your opportunity was a knockin.. Don’t get me wrong I’ve been in that exact boat. We need to praise these men. We need to encourage them. These are the men you should be dating. These are the men you should be marrying. Because these men will put you first and they will love you selflessly.

Alright I’ll step down from my soap box now.

“I’d rather have roses on my table than diamonds on my neck.” Emma Goldman

So I kind of LOVE roses.  It’s funny though because when I was younger and my parents would get me flowers for my dance recital I didn’t really care. I was like OHHHHHH Preetttyyy, K. Done. But then someone introduced me to St.Therese and she always gives people that ask for her intercession a flower of some type usually a rose. After that I was obsessed with roses. Give me a single rose and I’m yours forever. So this weekend when I went to a banquet and they had these roses. When it ended they were going to throw them away and that is not OK. There is no point in letting perfectly beautiful flowers go to waste especially roses. So me and friend grabbed and few and left. 

I know it sounds crazy that a simple rose will appease me. Most girls want diamond rings and expensive gifts and all I want is a simple rose. For me they symbolize beauty. They symbolize something so much more than any expensive gift could. The only upsetting thing is that they don’t last for long. But I think that’s part of the joy, you get this short gift for a short amount of time but it usually comes unexpectedly  and you usually get to enjoy it like a guest. It doesn’t stay for long but you get to enjoy its presence while it is there for the short time its there.

I think if there was anything that I would want always present in my life would be roses. They symbolize something so beautiful and pure. (and yes I took these pictures )

“Music was my refuge. I could crawl into the space between the notes and curl my back to loneliness.”-Maya Angelou

This past week has been one of the worst weeks, ever. I was stressed to no end and feeling extremely overwhelmed. I had several test, papers and quizzes along with research to do. It was not fun. The one thing that really helped me get through it was God first of all and 2nd of all music. I literally was doing everything with my earbuds in my ears.

For example, today I had a migraine starting at 5 and currently still going. I’m in pain, but after sitting down and listening to some music for a little while I started feeling a lot better. A LOT BETTER!

There is just something about music. Almost like you can leave what ever you are doing at the time and go to a safe haven. A place where you feel completely excepted, loved and embraced. Regardless of what music you listen to you it is something entirely your own that no one can take away from you. Its your refuge in the world.I love that feeling. I love being able to express the very desires of my heart through singing. It’s one of deepest passions.

:D <3

So, senior year has been filled with craziness.  I have been so busy, busy to the point that in my free time the only thing I have time for is research for my senior research class or writing for one of my writing intensive classes. Recently I was called a nerd by one of my residents. . (That’s how bad it’s gotten) On Tuesday last week I had a terrible day, everything bad that could have gone wrong went wrong. By the end of the day I was in tears and crying because I had been pushing so much in and holding it in and Tuesday was the day that ignited it all. Luckily two of my residents came to talk with me and try to make it better and they did. They were so amazing and I am so grateful to have them this year. As the week progressed it slowly got better.

Saturday was the Apex I would have to say. I got to go to Montgomery with my residents and a few other people. We went to the Rosa Parks Museum, went on a tour of MLK’s house that he stayed at in the beginning of his civil rights work, got to see the outside of the church he preached at and then went to the Civil Rights Museum.

It was all really touching and helped me realize how lucky I am to be living in the time that I am living in. There were so many stories of civil rights martyrs that I had never heard before. Then I finished off the trip with Ice skating… Something I had never done before. Luckily I managed to get off the wall and skate without falling.

It was a blessing in disguise. Almost like an award for going through all that I went through on Tuesday. It was so awesome. So right now I’m just basking in God’s glory and thankful that I didn’t let that day get the best of me.

You will love again.

I know its hard to believe. You give so much of your heart away, only for it to end so quickly. You loved passionately and selflessly. They were your all and you hoped that in return you would be there all. Instead here you are sitting with tears falling down your face and certain that you will never love someone the way that you loved them. With a broken heart and a pint of ice cream by your side, you swear you will never love again. If this is what love means, then what is the point. You give everything and all that is returned to you is a heart bruised and tattered. I’m here to tell you that YOU WILL LOVE AGAIN. Right now it seems to be a very far and distant reality. Something you only hear about in movies. You WILL love again. This pain is nothing, it does not define you or predict your future. This is just a bump in the road leading you to something greater and better. You Will love again. Life is about the ride. It’s about getting to your final point in life. It’s about looking back at the pain and the mistakes and learning, so that you can become a better person from it. Yes, someday you will love again and none of this pain will matter anymore. The only scar it will leave is a scar that reminds you what you have is perfect for you.

Embrace today and worry about tomorrow, tomorrow.

I’ve been pretty stressed out lately. It’s funny because just a few weeks ago I was complaining about how depressed I was and how low my self-esteem has been. So I guess it’s going to either be stress or depression. Personally I prefer the stress, because at least with the stress it is resolved when everything that needs to be done is done.

So I kind of came to the realization today that sometimes things just shouldn’t even be worried about. Sometimes you have to take things one day at a time. We are not promised tomorrow and if tomorrow never comes then our last day spent on this world was wasted worrying about something that didn’t even matter.

Here is my challenge. Embrace each day! Deal with what needs to be dealt with for the day and worry about tomorrow tomorrow. A life time can seem like a long time, but it’s not. Our life ends in the blink of an eye. One day your wishing you were old enough to drive, the next your wishing for one more day with the ones you love.