So.. I have had a few deaths in my family before so I know how it works.. Usually if its soemone you were close with you feel sad at the time but you don’t cry.. And deep inside your mad at yourself thinking why the hell am I just sad and not crying on the floor screaming.. So this really starts to eat at you because you feel like your this horriable person with no feelings at all and it eats at you I mean it really eats at you and you have no idea theirs this sickness in your body eating at you bit by bit till all of a sudden some small insident happens and it sets you off.. All of these feelings for this said person come rushing out and you cry and you cry depending on how much history you have with this person.. grandmother in my case..

Well this very thing happened to me today I was walking from the cafe to Walsh and Jew accidentally kicked my toe and then I was in pain again and then I called Snoopy and I joked with him a bit and then Tall and Green got on the phone and was like your being annoying.. SO this kind of hurt me a bit and so I was like .. Does everyone hate me today or soemthing and then I got back to my room and just started crying I mean BOO HOO practically wailing and I was like wow all this for something stupid green boy said. Then I sort of dug deep and realized wow Im acctually crying because a few days ago my aunt told me my grandmothers cancer came back and they didnt know how long she had.. and I took it pretty well ok yeah ok im all good! … However this was not the case because tonight I just cried and cried and jsut kept wondering and I was sad but thankful because the doctors gave her a year and its been like 4 so Im good.. Then  i was thankful because she still here and I get to say good bye to her on friday.. and thats when the tears stopped … How many people can say they got to say goodbye to someone before they died! And I was really thankful. and I started to calm down.. Then mama suz, jew and Besty roomate come bursting in with this amazing card.. WE make cards to make us happy. and this was the real trick..

This all got me to realize that soemtimes you subconciously start to bulid things in you and when something finally triggers it and you cry.. You start over all over again you have no more room for worries the tears just wash them away.. ..