This semester has had so many ups and downs. There have been so many times that all I wanted to do was crawl in my bed and cry. I just wanted to stay there all day because I was convinced if I walked out that door my world was seconds away from crumbling to my feet. During these times I never doubted that God would see me through this hard time. But I hated that I had to deal with it. I just wanted to be happy. Doesn’t everyone?

I got through it though. I’m still alive and kicking! But this year has been so much different then last year. I feel like there were less moments like these. We were always happy. Maybe it was a front, but I like to believe we were all happy with each other. So this years been rough theres been times that I felt like very few people cared about me. But I survived because like Mother Theresa says, “I know God will not give me anything I can’t handle”. So far he hasn’t. But she also says, ” I just wish he didn’t trust me so much”. Because i handled all the hard times but honestly I got to a point I didn’t know how much more I could handle.
But during those times there were amazing people sitting next to me and cheering me along the way, Constant words of encouragement and constant small signs of love. These people were the people who like God knew I could handle it. I did. At this point in my life that little bump in the road is getting farther and farther away as I look out my rear view mirror of life. God helped me through it all and so did the people in my life that cared the most.

But again I failed to point out the ups in the road. These ups, they really have made the ride worth while. They still are making it worth while! These ups came in to my life with out expectation. But I’m glad they did! Theres nothing like having someone there to make you smile when the world as you know it is crashing down. To be completely honest I wonder if these ups even realize how much they have effected me and how much happier I’ve been since they’ve come in to my life. I know a good bit of them know. But theres one specific up that I wonder about. Do they even know? I guess sometimes its hard to realize what a nice smile can do for a person! That small words of encouragement can really impact the person they are said to.

I think I’ve said enough about these ups. I trust I have complete control over my life at this point. I’ve never been more proud of myself for concurring so many goals and I stop worrying about how others view me and know that in the end all will work out.

So I wrote this in preparation for exam week. Funny right.. what does my life have to do with exams??? I know sometimes school can be stressful, but you got to hang on, because when you look back on these times of stress you’ll be proud of yourself as I was. Yeah the stress sucks at the time. But when you look back if you did your best, you’ll be proud. Yeah it sucked for the time being but it’ll be over and you can enjoy your free time once again. Remember, God won’t give you anything you can’t handle!
Good Luck exams everyone! Hang in there it will get better I Promise!

So what does friendship mean to me. Thats a good question. Friendship has been something I have been trying to understand since I was little. I mean I’m sure its that way for everyone else. I’ve struggled, I mean not everyone meets their BFF at the age of 5. People come along and you call them your BFF, because at the time you really really think thats the truth. But as time progresses sometimes you grow in different directions and one thing that you once felt you wouldn’t do when you were younger you do when your older and one person goes one way and the other person goes the other way. Its really sad when this happens because in your heart of hearts your honestly feel like your going to be friends for ever, but then you fall away.

But to answer my earlier question what does friendship mean to me? It means EVERYTHING! Friendship is the one thing I depend on in times of need. When I’m down I depend on the friendships I’ve made with others to bring me up. I depend on the kindness of a stranger I guess you could say LOL. But its not just about me, its about the exchange I want to give that to someone else I don’t just want them to be there for me I want to be there for them as well.

Friendship also means always telling the truth and never talking about the person you care so much about falsely. If you really care about that person thoughts as these should never cross your mind. If you really care about someone and they really care about you nothing but good would come out of both of your mouths. Words can kill and I think we forget this as humans sometimes. Quoting the Beatles “All you need is love”. Why do we hurt each other so much. Its got to stop. That is not what a friendship is about.

I once founded an amazing army of friends, this was a huge group. But as time passed we broke apart in to even smaller groups. Why? Because Love wasn’t there. We were constantly hurting each other. At times it wasn’t on purpose we had no clue it even happened. But other times we were hurt by them and so we wanted to hurt back. I don’t know how this happened.. I honestly have no clue. I lost a group of friends that i really cared about for honestly NO reason.

Friendship is everything to me. This past summer me and an amazing person met at a youth group and she taught me what it truly meant to be a BFF. We are there for each other in times of need. She knows exactly where I am coming from and I love her for that. We’ve decided when we get married were going to still BFF and bethroth I children lol. This is what is what friendship means to me.

Wow… I never thought I was going to get through this summer. I mean you can look back to my older post I was not looking forward to leaving the Hill. Not one bit! But I managed to do some pretty awesome things this summer! For one I managed to lose over 30 pounds! now if that isnt something I don’t know what is. I managed to finally find my faith in Christ. I made some pretty amazing new frinedships.. Some that are just beginning. others that have been for a while but are now that much stronger! I managed to get out and do things such as go to disney world and see my nephew in florida! And go to the beach. It was a pretty amazing summer and I’m glad its over. It didnt seem to go by as slowely as I thought it might. And for that Im thankful.
I have 14 days left till I return to the hill to the girls I love. I am so thankful. I know that this school year has some pretty amazing potential! and Im ready!

Lately I have had this impending feeling that there is something I need to do.. Something I have to do.. Something that needs to get off my chest and now.. Something between me and someone else that has not been finished or atleast in my heart it hasn’t….But how can I deal with this said feeling when I’m not even sure what it is exactly. ok. So i do have a feeling i know what it is.. Its been hovering over me since summer started and no matter how badly I want it to go away it won’t.. It’s like this feeling.. You know the one you got when you were a little child and you just saw something on the T.V. that you really wanted.. Like you wanted it so bad you would do anything for it.. Thats the feeling I’ve been having.. and it is combined with this other feeling that in order for me to get what I want I have to take it for myself. but taking it for myself is a risk.. because like a kid that really wants something usually the first person that said child must go to is their parents and they have to ask their parents will you get this for me.. Thats the risk they will either have to deal with their parents screaming at them or even daring to ask for it.. Or relish in the approval of the parent to get this special toy… Now what I want is far from a shiney new toy but I used this metaphor to make an example of what I must do… I must either ask this said person or not.. Not asking this said person could make things worse for me because I will always have this feeling… but asking can result in two different scenerios.. they could say no and I’d be hurt at first but later I would get over it.. But they could say yes and I would be able to relish in getting what I wanted.. I would be happy..
So what will I do now the choice is mine…

So I absolutley Love Taylor Swift I always have. it always seem like right when I’m dealing with something I hear one of her songs and can relate to it completly. Like her song Tim McGraw. For those of you who have enver heard of it its basicly about this girl Remembering her summer love. And there song was a Tim McGraw song. Its so funny because the time when this came out I had just broke up with a guy I dated in Gulfport over the summer. and our song was a Tim Mcgraw song “Don’t take the girl”. It was at this moment that I fell in love with Taylor Swifts music. there was also Picture to Burn.. tear Drops on my guitar.. And most recently I’d Lie.. Its about how this girl is crazy about a close guy friend of hers.. She admires everything “He has fathers eye.. His sister beautiful”.. But at the end she says “If you ask me if I Love him I’d Lie” She is crazy about him but won’t let anyone know..

I Love Taylor because she always has songs that girls of all ages can relate to.. Its so crazy how similar her songs are to my life.. Everytime a song of hers comes out it seems like I just dealt with that.. When White Horse came out a little afterwards I had dealt with the same situation.. Thats what is so great about her music, anyone can relate to it. OK not anyone but any girl of any age.. They are mostly girly related songs.

Its funny though because guys always hate her stuff because they think she puts crazy Ideas in our head.. Life You belong with me.. One guy once said “That song has turned all these girls into wanabe girlfriends”.. Well Ok.. But thats the great thing about being a girl we have fun with music and relate it to our lives. No I don’t think just because taylor married her romeo that I’m going to marry a Romeo.. Its just.. Music has always been a way of expressing my feelings best.. So when I find a song that relates closely to my life yes.. I listen to it because it expresses how i feel at that moment..

Lately I’ve been on this kick of searching the internet for qoutations to use on my status on facebook. I don’t know why I do this when I could simply just put JC is going to work or Jc is home.. and leave it at that. But why do that when I can put something that everyone can read and think about themselves.. So I was looking for a qoutation to put up on my status and I looked through some of the Beatles Lyrics because the Beatles knew what they were talking about obviously.. They are the BEATLES!!! Well I found this song called Don’t ever change and read the lyrics because most of the time when I’m listening to the Beatles I don’t listen to every last wor d and annalyze.. I just sing it..

This song Don’t ever Change really sunk in.. He goes on to talk about how his girl and how all these other girls dress to impress and she just wears jeans and acts like she wants to.. He talks about how for this reason he loves her.. He loves everything about her and wouldn’t have her any other way.. Thats when I thought thats how every relationship should be. If someone truley loves their significant other all of that person’s faults will be insignificant.Thats when you know you’ve found the one. When everything the other person does seems special and amazing and you wouldn’t have it any other way.

Which brought me to another realization. Our society has major standards for girls. If your not a size 1 or 2 and your breast arent seeping out of your shirt, your not good enough. But the Beatles put such a special standard on their girl. She can be a tom boy and dress like a boy and it doesn’t matter because they know that all that matters to them is how this girl makes them feel and how amazing her personality is. Maybe if everyone ignored the standard that the society put out there their relationships would last longer. Maybe if people could look past the body and the looks and look at the persons personality they could connect on a deeper level.

Ok so before people go out their thinking I’m some crazy feminist.. I’m NOT!! LOL.. I’m actually very far from it.. I love it when guys hold the door open for me and surprise me and pay for me.. thats just how it works and their should be no secound guessing who’s paying the check.. LOL but I do feel like this concept works both ways.. girls shouldn’t go out with someone just because they are cute or because they have money.. They should go out with them because this person makes them feel like no one else has ever made them feel in their whole entire life. I realized this after my first boyfriend I told the boy I would go out with him after knowin him for 2 days.. CRAZY I know. But give me a brake I was 14 years old, I could have cared less about feelings and BLAH BLAH BLAH.. he had a Motorcycle he let me ride on the back of!!!!! LOL.. After this huge mistake I have always made sure I knew the person before I dated them.. I didn’t realize how cute a guy I liked was untill after I connected with him on a personal level and thats how it should be..

I’m crazy I know.. “So please dont ever change no don’t you ever change”
This is how I will live for the rest of my life.. Personality will always come first and the minute I feel liek some one is trying to change who I am… I’m outie.. Love me or hate.. take me as I am!!

So not many of you know this but I had no intention of going to Spring Hill.. My main goal was to attend FSU! Why you may ask? I wanted to go to FSU because I saw all of the amazing friends that my brother had made and all of the amazing things that ha was able to experience and do! So my little heart was set on going to FSU! I applied to FSU, while at the same time for no apparent reason applied to Spring Hill as well.. Looking back I honestly don’t know why I applied to Spring Hill, because like I said before my heart was set on FSU. Unlike most Seniors I did not make a big deal about my College decision process. Literally I didn’t go to a single visit day. Any ways.. I got a letter in the mail from FSU, saying that as much as they would like to admit me into their college, they were past budget and could not admit anyone else in.. I was very very upset.. but me and my brother devised a plan that I would go to the community College in Tallahassee for a year and then transfer into FSU the next. At the same time I recieved a letter from Spring Hill informing me that I was accepted into their school along with a very nice scholarship package.. I honestly did not care about SPRING HILL.. I was going to go to FSU! Spring Hill continued to call me all away through to June!… I told them repedely No thank you.. I dont know what happened.. but the next time they called I told him that I would LOVE to go to Spring HILL..!! Weird right.. Don’t no what possessed me! But I did it..
I went to pre-view and fell absolutly in love with Spring Hill! WEll in case you didn’t know just yesterday I finished my freshman year of College at springhill.. And I am already ready to go back for the summer and I have only been finished for one day.. I love Spring Hill.. its beautiful landscape can’t be beat! There is always something fun happening there.. Whether the school planed it or we planned it.. No weekend was left without having fun!.. I met some of the most amazing people that I am very proud to call my friends!.. !
The summer is now started and I will have 3 1/2 months to make my own memories without them. Its going to be difficult not having them here but I think I can manage to do it!.. My room is rediculously packed to capacity! and I am sitting on my queen size bed in utter pain from my aching muscles!
I guess all i’m trying to get across to ya’ll is that sometimes Your life goes in a very unexpected direction.. but usually it brings about good things. Whether it be great friends.. Great School.. A new Amazong person.. or anything at all.. Life is so unexpected!

So i sit here with the realization that I have about a week left of my freshman year of college! 1 more week!! But I can’t help but to think of all the good and all the bad that has happened this year!! It has been such a crazy crazy year.  I have had so many good friends come in to my life in the most unexpected ways. Things started out with a bang. Because of preview (our freshman orientation) I met a few people that I could call my friends for the first few weeks of school. But eventually found another group that I felt I could be myself around with no judgments. Then there was the whole roommate ordeal.. I HAD TO GET OUT OF THAT CRAZY BITCHES ROOM!!! and I did which brought me to the utmost amazing group.. 3 FW.. 3rd floor walsh! Susannah and Jew were the most amazing people I had ever met… when they found out I was moving onto their floor they were more than happy to help me!! A few girls,  boyfriend, and a car packed to capacity and I was moved from walsh to viragh in little less then a hour! I remember that first night we had a blast in zoe (Jew n Susannah’s room). Before long I had a new roommate, Large eyes. I was so excited to have a new roommate and not have to live in my huge room in walsh all by myself! Me and Large eyes got along great there really was nothing we ever fought about and never ne awkward silences. Pretty soon every waking minute was spent as a group the 3 fw which often  also included a few girls from the 2nd floor.. Mar.. Shell.. and Broken Arm..<— Hahhahaha couldn’t help myself!!.. We experienced many different things together.. Such as late night movie nights, Girls night which included going to the movies then followed by steak  n shake which then followed another movie at 3fw!, American idol/Grey Anatomy/lie to me  nights, crazy dances in the old caf.. where things were realized about a certain relationship, and honestly the list just goes on from there. These girls are my rock and my support in times when I need them the most. Susannah has always been there for me.. she knows her JC very well and when JC isn’t jumping around telling people she’s balding or something to that extent she is just not happy and something is wrong. I cant begin to tell you how many times susannah has taken me to the side and said listen I know something is not right lets talk and lets talk now.. Susannah has gotten me through some very very tough times her at shc! She has been there when others walked away. others that I depended on for support.. she was there and I love her for it!

Then there is Jew.. JEW JEW JEW!! O my goodness.  I cannot even begin to describe Jew to you! I see a lot of myself in JEW as far as the energy goes she is a bouncing ball of energy just like me.. She is a unique individual.. one that I have never experienced before but am so glad to have experienced! I honestly cannot put my finger on a time when Jew was just down and out for no good reason at all.. I mean yeah she’s been upset before but she had a damn good reason for it! When I say shes never been down i mean she doesn’t really ever let the little things get to her like I have a tendency of doing.. In my time of need she has always been there ready to make a joke about something that has absolutely nothing to do with the situation but some how manages to make me happy!

Then comes Large eyes.. now large eyes is probably reading this right thinking dammit she wasn’t there when I got the nickname she can’t use it.. That’s LE for you..I guess I could call her roomie.. hahaha that will work.. Roommate is wow she is just very original! At first I thought she hated me because of her tendency to be sarcastic with me… never really got the sarcasm at first.. I’m not to good with sarcasm..hahaha.. but roomie has this ability to stand by your side when things get crazy.. she will not let anyone hurt her friends while she is around.. I would like to call her the mother of the group but that wouldn’t be so.. ok she is she is like the strict mother of the group! She is the one when Susannah is telling us we can jump off  a balcony, she is saying are you crazy get of that balcony before u kill yourself.. Or “JC could you talk any louder”. She is the one putting us into our places..

shell, Oh Shell… shell is the person I go to when I need attention but not from a thousand viewers or a few other girls just when I need somebody to lean on.. she is there.. I love her for it.. But she is also the one who tends to come into the convo at the most inconvenient times.. and has no clue whats going on.. and then we have to explain things to her.. but its fun..

Mar.. O I love me some Mar.. Mar has been my guardian angel.. Literally she is my guardian angel but you would only get that if you went on SHAPE!! Hahhahaahahhahahaha.. but before that Mar helped guide me and helped me to understand what I’m feeling and why I am feeling it and what i need to do about it.. she loves me for me.. and excepts my individuality and I can’t help but love her for it!

Broken Arm— I love me some broken arm.. broken arm knows the most craziest thing to make me feel better.. She slept with my blanket once apparently its a really comfy blanket… I have no objections.. but BA <— hahaha.. Sorry I have the attention span of a cocker spaniel!.. NE way BA is unique and has a really amazing ability to lock her self out..

ok so I just described for you 3fw my girlies.. but i failed to tell you about my guy friends.. My guy friends with a few other girls came into my life this semester due to a “LOVE CONNECTION” between me and one of the other guys.. But I am so thankful for that instance because with out it I don’t think we would have ever come together like we needed to. From what I understand they all thought we were a bunch of crazy obnoxious girls before and had no intention of being our friends.. haha.. ok so I am not really gonna make up ne nick names for these individuals.. I’m just going to talk about each and pretty sure they will no who they are..

I’m going to start off with the one who helped me join the groups together.. Me and him were together for a good 3 months.. I adored him because he made me feel like it was ok to be me.. He helped me to accept who I am and be glad I am an original.. He was one of the best guy friends but at the same time was my boyfriend.. I have learned looking back that he was most likely put into my life to introduce me to some of the other amazing people that are his friends..

The next guy is special because.. He is there when I needed to talk about things that were on my mind.. he really upset me at first because he had all these code words he said when I was around and made derogatory remarks  around me.. but  he ended up being one of my best guy friends like really and truly!  I honestly do NOT know how we became such good friends.. maybe it was after SHAPE.. I think SHAPE did it.. I mean its kind of hard to not be friends with someone who dresses in drag and calls himself bobby jo jo bobby! HAHAHA……. OmB! But know every time I have talked to him he always gets serious and tells me.

haha so Im beginning to realize that its going to be almost impossible not to figure out who I am talking about but what ever.

the next guy I haven’t really known as long as everyone else.. but some how made a impression on him before I even realized it. Because he was there when I was down the most.. he just wanted to make me feel better because he knew that a sad JC was no fun.. Apparently I had the ability to make him laugh.. now when it comes to me its very hard not to make people laugh.. but this one was different because he was so quite and when you looked across the table and saw him laughing you felt like maybe you had stepped into another dimension or something.. it was a little bizarre but at the same time it felt good to know that no matter who the person was I could make them smile! and I am glad that it did..

haha this guy we just have an all together crazy relationship.. he has always goofed with me and tried to trick me into thinking or saying things that I didn’t want to say.. Betcha didn’t think I caught on to that… I did!! but he also has the ability to turn my frown upside down.. i mean I cant even give that guy the look any more.. because as soon as i try he starts making goofy faces at me.. hahaha

ok so im just going to combine these to together because i knew them from middle school and high school.. one is very hard to understand and at times I think he might want to pluck my eye balls out! but other times he just seems to be an all around great guy.. and the other one is goofy and has always been a very good friend to me.. I mean we got confirmed together that has to mean something

ok Im goin to combine these to together to because when I think of one of them I think of the other.. these are the girlies amongst the guys and i sympathize for them! really I do.. But they are both very sweet and both are very welcoming and accepting and I adore them for that

Finally I cant forget snoopy.. I haven’t really spent that much time with snoopy lately i don’t know why i just haven’t.. but snoopy has always been there when I needed him most.. so what more can I ask for..? he has helped me to try and understand the male gender.. however i don’t really think he completely understands it!! HAHAHA..

I really hope i didn’t leave anyone out.. but if I did I care for all of my friends and I am so thankful to have met all of you..I have had different experiences with each and everyone of you.. Some good.. Some bad.. But whatever the case may be I still adore each and everyone of you for all of your unique personalities and abilities.. Thank you all for having a special place in my heart and thank you all for all being their individually for me.. even though at times I don’t even think ya’ll realize you were there for me. My one piece of advice to all of you is no matter what happens in life.. always look back on the good times and try your hardest to ignore the bad times.. because we learn some of our most valuable lessons from the bad times and move on.. I wish all of you a wonderful summer and hope that all of you plan to keep in touch.. via facebook/text/phone or ever coming to visit! Hope exams go well for all and that this year ends on a very good note! Love you All
JC

Wow.. so I was definitely just searching around for some quotations the other day because I was feeling down and I needed something to lift my spirits. Did this work you might ask?  Not exactly LoL. But for some reason I put it in my dashboard to use. I thought is was weird why did I pic this qoutation.. where I’m at right now is no where close to a fairytale.. If anything I’m living an anti-fairytale life. Nothing is going my way. But thats when I began to realize who cares. Why do we constantly strive for this picture perfect life.. Is it because movies and books tell us thats what we want and thats what we deserve? Don’t get me wrong I think everyone deserves a fairtale perfect life.. but thats not exactly the best life.. If everything is perfect .. if everything went our way..then how could we learn. Some of my most valueable lessons in life have been learned from my most painful experiences.

For example: My heart was torn apart when I was 14 years old by my first love. He promised me the world then left me hanging with no explination. I havent talked to him since. But that one experience taught me that you really never no what is going to happen in life. At one point in your life you might feel like your going to be with that one person for the rest of your life.. but then you look back 5 years later and laugh. I cried myself to sleep for a good year because of that boy. That very instance taught me to guard my heart and only give it to the deserving. That was not a happy ever after but i learned from it.

but as the qoutation says every once in a while a fairy tale comes along into our lives. We thank God for this very moment. We pray that he will never let it go. Some people gets this fairy tale.  But what I really want to the reader to get from this is your life is what you make it. If you stay away from stupid drama and focus on what you want there will be no stopping you..

wow today has only been going on for 4 hours now for me and I’ve already had some excitement.. Me and the certain person I’m always talking about are now officially dating.. Cute right.. I know.. Well seeing as he is no longer just a certain person.. I’m going to have to give him a nickname.. What shall it be..Boyfriend!! LOL Ok so I was watching the 7th season of gilmore girls and one of rory’s friends always called her boyfriend .. boyfriend and I thought it was hilarious! So that what his nick name shall be…. ok nevermind I don’t like that one…Hmm. I need some suggestions so send in your comments and suggestions..

JC